The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons remaining competitors are literally on the verge of jumping out of a plane into the Namib desert to embark on a final challenge that even TJ thinks is undoable. In order to best encapsulate the awesome and incredible season this has been, I have decided to split up the column this week. First, is the retro running diary of the penultimate and final elimination episode. Early next week, I will release my pre-final power rankings and some further analysis of the remaining teams and their chances in the Namib Desert experience. Here we go…
THE WEEK 11 Penultimate RETRO RUNNING DIARY (power rankings to follow in a separate column)
The times are EST on the night the original episode aired, so feel free to follow along while viewing for the first time or while re-watching.
10:01 – There is one more challenge left and our faithful competitors are off to Namibia, Africa (“The homeland!” as coined by Devyn) for the rest of the season. Dustin: “Well there’s no tigers. Is there tigers? I don’t know.”
10:02 – 3o hours later, we arrive in Namibia…The edit shows us Survivor-esque shots of dangerous looking (beetles, snakes) animals, less dangerous looking (ostriches, gazelles) animals, and the dune-rich sandy deserts of a Tatooine-like landscape. Will our remaining teams be roughing it out in the African wilderness? Not this time. MTV splurged for an Atlantic Ocean side beach three-story that appears to have been transplanted from a Santa Barbara villa. There is African fused urban chic decorum! There is an indoor pool! There is enough alcohol to last a Frank evening! Trishelle: “We are in Africa!” Cue the third single from Alanis Morrisette’s Jagged Little Pill album…
10:03 – Sarah sets the stage for the final challenge with an experienced command that only she has: “This is the most important challenge yet. There are only four teams left: Vegas, who everybody is thinking is going to lose this challenge, San Diego, the clearly strong team, Cancun, who is shacking up with clearly the strongest team here, and Brooklyn. There’s no way we won’t be going in if we don’t win.” There it is.
10:03 – At the challenge, Sam sees an ATV and a ramp going into the water and all she can think of is Steve-O and Jackass. This concerns me on so many levels.
10:03 – TJ: “Today’s challenge is called ‘Sling Shot’.” Team San Diego starts laughing uncontrollably upon hearing the pun heavy title. Maybe I am obtuse for not getting it, but why is this so funny?
10:04 – “Sling Shot,” according to TJ, borrows a little “technique from the rednecks.” Ignorance?
10:05 – TJ explains the challenge (some ATV driving, a human sling shot into the water, lots of swimming to a dock, ring the bell, more swimming back to shore to cross the finish line) and the enhanced stakes (“You don’t want to go home now.”) Two people participate at a time, so the average time of the Brooklyn and San Diego’s respective two heats will be the counted score. This could be a distinctive advantage (if they do well) or disadvantage (if they do poorly) to the two person teams.
10:05 – TJ: “Today’s challenge has a little bit more riding on it today.” Devyn: “Literally.” Boom!
10:05 – Brooklyn is confident pre-challenge. Sarah, to her team: “You are a swimmer (to JD) and I am a swimmer. And you guys are the drivers. (To Devyn) You don’t even have to get your hair wet.” This is followed by a high-five and reason number 731 that Team Brooklyn has been a joy and a revelation to watch this season.
10:06 – Dustin and Trishelle have some pre-game confidence acknowledging (by a proud hand raise) that they fit right in with an event that connects to the redneck experience. Dustin: “That would be me!”
10:06 – Team Vegas is first (as chosen by San Diego’s power team privilege) and the Dustin ramp launch is teased into a commercial break…
10:09 – It’s Sway, introducing some end of the year TV event. I am distracted by the following notions: the fact that Sway is still around, how Sway got to appear on TV in the first place, whether or not Sway has any colleagues left at MTV News, whether MTV News still exists, why Gideon Yago is not a bigger star, why John Norris dyed his hair blonde during the mid-90s, how MTV used to be about music, and how The Real World and The Challenge longevity is one of the most underrated and unheralded TV stories (why aren’t more people talking about this?). Back to Sway – I am probably not going to spend my New Year’s with you. Sorry, buddy.
10:10 – Dustin “I feel like a superhero right now” Zito literally flies into the water (“I feel like I am here to save the day.”) off the ramp. Dustin absolutely kills the swimming portion of the challenge (TJ: “Way to dig deep”) and Team San Diego looks nervous. Dustin’s post performance vomiting (a longer swim than anyone thought) does not quell the fears of the other teams.
10:12 – Next up: Sarah and Chet for Brooklyn. Sarah battles with the deceptively cold water, bests a minor dock elevation misstep, and swims her heart out to the shore line as her teammates (in the truest sense of the word) cheer her on. Like Dustin before her, vomiting and artificial oxygen support are necessary (“We are in Africa!”).
10:13 – The JD/Devyn tandem seem to have the same success. JD’s (“This is fun!”) dolphin training experience is yet again a difference maker in this game.
10:15 – Derek struggles with the swimming (“I can’t breathe”) and is forced to backstroke much of the return trip to the shore. Things do not look good form Team Cancun.
10:16 – Ashley’s ATV stalls and Frank’s ramp acceleration flops like your average play from Reggie Evans. He has to swim longer than anyone else before him and although he does maintain a steady pace throughout, was it fast enough?
10:17 – Zach (“the last time I swam competitively was never”) owns his heat and competition in general. This guy was made for The Challenge.
10:18 – Team Cancun is the losing team (no surprise there) and will be forced into the final arena and Team Vegas is the winning team (the Vegas comeback is on!). TJ puts it in historical perspective: “Very rarely is a team get picked to go first and then win.” Dustin sees this late challenge adversity as “the best preparation for the final.” He may be right.
10:23 – Dustin and Trishelle must instantaneously deliberate (an appreciated African twist) and choose Team San Diego to go into the arena.
10:24 – TJ: “So which game are they going to play?” Trishelle: “Do we have a second to talk about it, or…?” TJ: “I mean, you got a second.” TJ Lavin – this is what host greatness is all about. (BTW – Dustin chooses “strategy” as means of leveling the playing field for Cancun while making San Diego “sweat.”)
10:25 – Chet gets the poetic drama of the final arena battle: “Jonna has been boning her way to the final and now Zach’s team has to go against her. I mean could you ask for a better final elimination?” There will be a serious depreciation of life quality without the man, the myth, the legend that is Chet on my television once a week.
10:25 – Dinner is served (on three, four-person tables – an odd configuration) and Sam is publicly basking in the glow of Frank’s ramp elevation issues in the challenge (completely the ATV or Ashley’s, the ATV driver, fault). Frank vents his frustration to Ashley in the nastiest of terms (as only Frank can). Poor Jasmine’s low weight is dragged into the mess. Is this a potential team turmoil fueled harbinger for what is yet to come for Team San Diego? (The seating chart, by the way: Zach, Jonna, Sam, and Dustin are at one table. Trishelle, Devyn, Sarah, and Chet are at another table. The third table is Derek, JD, Ashley, and Frank. So much incredible interpersonal and social structure understanding can be gleaned from this configuration. I am fascinated.)
10:30 – Even though Sarah is off of arena duty and has a ticket to the finals, her strategic game is at play: “As much as I loathe (gulp, unexpected) conversation with her, I give Jonna advice on how to do the strategy one, hoping that maybe she can send San Diego home. It would mean Brooklyn would be the only four person team running in the final, and maybe we could win the whole thing.”
10:31 – Understatement of the episode alert from Ashley: “Nothing is every easy for Team San Diego.” Doubts about the arena abound. Frank feels like he is going to puke.
10:32 – The “Knot So Fast” arena strategy game is transported to Africa. It is the same rules and concept as in Turkey’s fire pit locale, but the large metallic domes have been replaced by wooden teepees. Production must have run out of resources or money after decorating the Namibian digs.
10:35 – Round 1 (the rope twisting part) is over. San Diego and Cancun both feel good about what they did. The viewer struggles (knot so great translation to television) to have any idea about just happened.
10:37 – Round 2 (the rope untwisting part) begins and it looks like (from this obstructed view vantage point) that Cancun is neck and neck with Frank and Ashley. The entirety of Brooklyn and Vegas are instructing Jonna and Derek’s every move. Yes, Chet. The Cancun v. San Diego final elimination was a perfect ending, but another arena battle (more understandable suspense) may have yielded more tangible evidence to support this claim.
10:40 – During the commercial break, a The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2 television promo tries to make the connection between “holiday season” and this final installment of the popular movie franchise (a reach like Robb’s arms). I try to keep myself in the center of pop culture, but this Edward/Jacob/Bella journey is one that I am glad I have never partaken in.
10:41 – Frank and Ashley make an “oopsy” in their rope untangling, or as I like to call it, the night in San Diego that Nate and Priscilla “hooked up.” This was the most lenient possible interpretation of the word “exes” in human history.
10:41 – Jonna struggles with all the side-coaching and instead of tuning them out, decides to engage and yell back (“just shut up!”). Derek recognizes the problem with this reaction.
10:42 – Ashley and Frank win and Jonna is still focused on the “too many voices” that affected her performance. Thankfully, Zach is their to comfort her. Jonna intimates that she was in the “worst place of her entire life” before coming on The Challenge (that poor guy she dumped on the phone from the season premiere must be struggling with this revelation) and that Zach has been the best thing that has happened to her. Underrated subplot of the season: how functional Zach and Ashley seem to be with their post-breakup existence. San Diego had to overcome much diversity to get to the final and I am not sure they could have sustained another interpersonal impasse. Credit to both Ashley and Zach on this front.
10:43 – Frank and Ashley “love each other” and are as bonded as any two people on this season. This is yet another aspect of the Jekyll & Hyde Team San Diego experience.
10:44 – Derek and Jonna walk off into the Namibian desert horizon. We are down to the final three teams. TJ sets the scene while addressing Teams Brooklyn, Vegas, and San Diego: “You are officially in the final. I hope you guys dig a little bit deeper. I’ve been on over a hundred challenges. I don’t think anybody can finish that final, but if you can, you are getting $250,000 for first place. See you at the finals. Congratulations.” He follows this by rocking a cool hand signal gesture. There is only one TJ Lavin.
10:46 – The cast finds a new wardrobe for the finals (including under armor full body suits and new sneakers) waiting for them at Camp Namibia. Dustin models the new gear. The “night before” excitement is real.
10:46 – Chet and Trishelle have a heart to heart about the finals makeup of Team Brooklyn (particularly the potential liability of Devyn). Chet is in beast mode and will “carry Devyn up a hill across an ocean” if he must. This why Chet is rightfully ranked number 1 in the rankings.
10:46 – Chet’s interview analysis takes the clear plot forecasting a step further: “I have the endurance of a young virgin cult. I could win this thing by myself if I were allowed to, but Devyn thinks that taking the spoon from a peanut butter jar to her mouth constitutes a workout.” Well, there’s that.
10:47 – Trishelle has some legitimate (the episode two weeks ago warrants this feeling) concerns about her ability to work with Dustin in a stressful, competitive environment. There are now doubts percolating around each team. This is real.
10:51 – The morning of the final is here! The “butterflies are doing their thing” in Dustin’s stomach. According to Sarah, JD is “looking good.” Zach has a “pit in his stomach the size of a bowling ball.” Devyn puts on her weave. Now it is time.
10:52 – Sarah reminds us that the last time she was in a final, she “got heatstroke and ended up in the back of an ambulance.” She also lets us know that she is “not going to do that this time,” that she “came here to win,” and that she is “never giving up.” Competition, be warned. Sarah has her game face on and is ready to dominate.
10:53 – TJ, in front of three helicopters and four planes, breaks down the potential earning situation: first place is $250,000, second place is $60,000, and third place is $40,000. Everyone is at least winning $10,000 and Dustin and Trishelle could walk away with $125,000 if Team Vegas wins.
10:53 – TJ: “Welcome to the vast and empty Namib desert. You are officially entering no-man’s land. There is only one way in. So to start things off, you guys are going to be jumping out of those (pointing to the planes).” That’s what I’m talking about, The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons! You are killing it!
10:57 – Trishelle thinks Dustin give her the look of “I will rip your head off you back out of this.” I think it was more of the look of “this is the coolest thing I have ever done.” Just sayin…
10:57 – TJ’s inspirational wisdom: “This is going to be the hardest thing you have ever done in your entire lives. You will be a better person for finishing this thing. So, no matter what happens…when you are going, and you feel like you can’t go anymore, just ask yourself is that your mind speaking or your body. Ninety percent of the time, it’s your mind. So just tell it, no I am cool. Just keep on moving. Good luck. I will see you soon. Make it happen.”
10:58 – Ashley has an amazing way of making every post production interview feel super happy and cute, even when she is talking about jumping out of planes.
10:59 – The ominous music says, “there is a storm coming.” Well-played, sound designer. Well-played.
10:59 – Dustin’s jump (the one originally teased in the pre-season trailer) leads into a “to be continued” fade to black screen…next week is The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons final challenge and I could not be more ready…
Stay tuned for my pre-final power rankings and my analysis and predictions of how well Teams Brooklyn, San Diego, and Las Vegas will fare in the finals (out sometime on Monday). Then, tune in Wednesday at 10 PM on MTV for the final episode of The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons.
David Bloom can be reached on twitter at @davidbloom7. His CHALLENGE POWER RANKINGS come out weekly on Derek Kosinski’s UltimateChallengeRadio.com. The Week 12 power rankings will be available sometime before the final.
Can you feel it? The momentum of The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons has picked up like the volatility in Frank’s personality while drinking. Each moment of each episode now feels like an essential window into the potentiality of the final challenge. This past week, the Challenge cast journeyed from near and far to New York to film the reunion special, a sign that the end is near. With only one episode left before the final, I have decided to keep on the retro running diary train to make sure that every important moment (and as you will soon find out if you actually read through all of this prose before hitting the rankings) gets mentioned. On to our last night spent in the confines of Turkey before a major location change in preparation for the final…
THE WEEK 10 RETRO-RUNNING DIARY (power rankings to follow)
The times are EST on the night the original episode aired, so feel free to follow along while viewing for the first time or while re-watching.
10:00 – The episode begins with an artistic opening shot of the moon cross-faded into the Turkey compound pool followed by some wind swept drapes billowing in the ominous post-arena evening. Ladies and gentlemen – The Challenge means business tonight!
10:01 – First off, where in the house is this Team Brooklyn communication den? Second, I love how Brooklyn serves as the home to Vegas therapy sessions. In this sequence, they seem to be good listeners. Third, the Dustin and Trishelle impasse seems impenetrable. Trishelle can’t get Dustin to see the big picture! Dustin is so distraught he may be forced to go home! What is going to happen? At least in-episode cliffhangers last all of one minute because the next day…
10:01 – The next morning Jedi Master Chet (vintage Ray-Ban sunglasses and all) is doing some crazy force work on Padawan Dustin: “These are the cards you have (mock card dealing motion). It’s a team of Dustin and Trishelle. That’s all you can play right now. So you either do it, or you quit, and I know you are not a quitter.” Listen, when you are number one in the rankings, you are number one in the rankings. The force is strong in Chet as he gives Dustin “a second wind” with Trishelle. The Team Vegas crisis is officially averted, so Dustin can now go about his business of jumping out of a plane (as teased in the original trailer and photos for the season) in a future episode.
10:02 – Back in a different Team Brooklyn communication den, Sarah and Chet discuss the strategy for Brooklyn going forward (aptly recognizing that both Cancun and San Diego are the obstacle in front of them). JD’s input: “Well, let’s move forward and prosper.” Dolphin trainers are apparently good at speaking in generalized mixed clichés (among so many other things).
10:02 – Today’s challenge is called “Force Field” or (to kick it old school) “what everyone needed when around Beth S. of Real World: Los Angeles.”
10:03 – The challenge is based on a simplistic, but hard to explain, point system of which team can stay on the platform longest and out of the surrounding mud pit while battling each other in inner tubes (one team per tube). The longer you stay on the platform, the higher your point value. The scores from the girl’s and guy’s heat will be added together to determine the winner. TJ seems particularly excited about watching this one.
10:04 – The girl’s heat is first “and, out of nowhere, [Jonna] sees four inner-tubes heading towards [her]. What the hell is going on?” Perhaps there is some homelessness envy going on. Jonna is in the mud. Cancun has 0 points. Zach is none too pleased.
10:05 – Trishelle lazily makes her attack and Team San Diego’s Sam and Ashley duo bounce her into the muddy waters. Dustin is “glad to see Trishelle try.” Maybe Dustin did not have access to the replay of the viewing audience because from my perch at home, Trishelle’s “try” left something to be desired. I am just saying (20 points to Vegas).
10:05 – Devyn: “You do know who you are going up against, right? Sarah and Devyn – two of the baddest girls here.” Surrounding mud pit, meet Team San Diego (40 points). Sarah likens the challenge to “human Mario Kart” and the episode’s sound editors provide a “wink and a nod” musical homage. To answer your question, yes we are having fun, yet.
10:05 – Sam is still stuck on Marie’s plant pot push from last episode and does not appreciate the continued Marie assault (this time in “Force Field”). According to Sam, Marie is an “all-around [indistinguishable expletive].” Zach is pissed about the San Diego girl loss and is going to take it out on Chet and JD because he “doesn’t care.”
My writing of this column just took a bit of a delay. My newly acquired Christmas tree decided to randomly fall over in the middle of my living room (luckily just missing my laptop and television by a few inches). Unfortunately, Rapunzel and Pinochio were casualties of the event. Not good times…
10:06 – Sarah and Devyn (“It feels sooooo good”) knock Marie off and win the girl’s heat. It is the boys turn. Zach pre-game strategizes with Frank: “Now we have to be able to move together. It is just like true becoming one. Honestly.” The edit playfully plays on the homo-eroticism between Zach and Frank. JD and Chet’s pre-game strategizing lacks the same charisma.
10:10 – The first boy’s heat begins and an initial battle between Cancun and Brooklyn (trying to eliminate Cancun) yields the first penalty for both. You are not allowed to fall in “Force Field” (three times and you dq). Sarah (“Oh my God you guys, stop!”) and Jonna (“Go for Brooklyn. That is fucked up.”) side coach from the sidelines.
10:10 – The Brooklyn boys fall again and Devyn and Sarah are none too pleased that their first place finish in the girl’s heat is in jeopardy. Clearly, they presume it is JD’s fault. Sarah: “JD, don’t fuck around!” Devyn (in her post interview): “JD is spazzing around like a headless fish. What is wrong with you?” Poor, JD. Even his indiscriminate action is a cause for team concern.
10:11 – Brooklyn falls for a third time and is disqualified. The JD directed tirade continues. Sarah: “JD, what’s your problem with listening to directions?” JD is “pissed off” that “his team is attacking him…Of course, JD gets all the blame.” Again, poor JD. Even when his team wins, he can’t win, and, when his team loses, he is the scapegoat. There has got to be something to this, though. Maybe he is conditioned to listen to dolphin sounds instead of human directions? For the first time in weeks, there is some tension in Team Brooklyn’s team corner.
10:12 – Dustin tries to survive as long as he can, but San Diego’s attack is too strong. Tough times for Team Vegas in this challenge. Frank thinks he and Zach are “giggling” inside the inner tube like “two sisters on a beach vacation.” Touché.
10:13 – In succession, San Diego knocks out Robb and Derek to win the “Force Field” challenge. Zach: “San Diego is definitely the best team in the game at this point.” With the Team Brooklyn fall out boy heat, he can reasonably make this argument.
10:13 – The Team Brooklyn post challenge interview is particularly dysfunctional and the blame is still JD centered. Chet, on one hand, defends JD, but acknowledges to the incredulous Sarah and Devyn that he was “in the damn tire with him” and gets what they are saying, but because he is their teammate, they all have to stick with him. JD gives a sincere apology and looks shell-shocked and broken. Again, poor JD.
10:14 – Vegas comes in last place and will be heading back to the arena. Dustin remembers his fallen comrades of Nany and Alton and wants to “make them proud.” He is again is composed and clear. After an episode off of the emotional deep end, Mr. Zito seems back in the zone. This is going to be bad news for whomever he faces in the arena (and very good news for his recently reconnected partner, Trishelle).
10:15 – The San Diego deliberation on who to send in reaches a bit of an impasse. Zach wants to send in St. Thomas because Marie “assaulted Sam” and Frank wants to keep St. Thomas and send in Brooklyn because Robb and Marie are his best friends here (“Thanks a lot, Frank,” says his entire team). This should be interesting.
10:16 – Chet and Sarah have one of those conversations that harkens back to the premiere episode and makes this avid and close (yes, I know…definitely too close) viewer of The Challenge giddy. Sarah and Chet know that Devyn and JD are supposed to go in, so if Brooklyn is the San Diego pick, Sarah and Chet are at least safe for another week. Chet is worried about an arena cold feet incident like Trishelle last week (JD remains the season’s biggest enigma) and cannot be complacent.
10:16 – San Diego pulls Brooklyn in for a meeting (the background music tells you it is an important, high stakes meeting). San Diego wants Vegas out and asks Brooklyn what arena event they think they have the best shot against Vegas in. Devyn’s answer is the “mental” memory/inverted water dive arena, but indicates that in order to knock Vegas off, St. Thomas would be a better choice. The plot thickens.
10:17 – The Marie/Robb meeting with San Diego does not go so well. Marie is not talking, leaves it to Robb to give his preferred arena events, and promptly walks out. The pride this girl has is close to incredible.
10:18 – Zach is not having any of Marie’s “you owe us” attitude. After all, no one else is “throwing one of [his] teammates into a flower bush.” C’mon Frank, she is “Staten Island trash.” Zach is rocking the effective metaphors tonight!
10:20 – Marie (she is a self-titled “crazy bitch”) comes back to further discuss with Frank and Ashley and the tears begin to stream down Frank’s face. Central to their team conflict is the “flower plant push” incident and Zach and Sam cannot get past this (Listen, who pushes another person into a flower pot anyway?) Cue melancholic emotional song and fade to pre-commercial black. MTV is on point this evening.
10:24 – Team San Diego chooses St. Thomas to go back to the arena and seems to have completely disregarded Robb’s arena game request (I think this was a just an oops moment, but understandably tough for Robb and Marie to swallow).
10:26 – On the bus to Turkish nightlife, Marie is now on crying duty. Frank’s lack of “friend protection” has quite the effect on her. Turkish nightlife may not be the best elixir at this time.
10:26 – Devyn, on the dance floor, to Chet and Sarah: “Go Team Brooklyn! We are still alive!” Two things: this is wonderful and where is JD?
10:27 – Marie and Frank have a talk that does not go well. Robb’s step-in to support Marie makes things even worse. Names are called, insults are slung, and friendships are tested. The night is too young for this to end well…
10:28 – The bus becomes the site of the next rumble (taking the form of a battle of stand-ups). Marie calls everyone “corny” (urban dictionary: “trying to be cool, but ultimately very uncool indeed, and often even extremely embarrassing”), proving that it takes one to know one. The lead-in to the commercial took a turn for the unintentionally comedic and surreal. Marie: “Sam, i would kill you by the way.” Zach: “Yeah, but I would kill your man, so shut up!” Marie, in response: “And I would fucking kill your girl, how about that.” As Sarah hides in the seat next to all of this, my mind goes to the bus driver. What must he think of a scene like this? Does he have a sense of who these people are? Does he comprehend their celebrity status? Does he think Robb is an NBA player? Did he recognize Trishelle from The Dukes of Hazzard: The Beginning TV movie? Does he make small-talk with JD? We need a commercial to suss this all out.
10:33 – The action starts back at the house and Marie is still its center. Chet tries to intervene: “Marie. Chill. Go to bed.” Marie decides to direct her response at JD (inexplicably): “Don’t even talk to me. You don’t even count, so.” (Marie follows this with a mocking dolphin impression – he just can’t win!).
10:34 – Fear not! The dolphin trainer fights back! JD: “Marie, have fun looking outside that airplane window.” Marie then starts to go at JD for being a weirdo and “dol-phin trai-ner.” This is all so overwhelming.
10:34 – Marie asks, who’s next? Answer? Derek, and he is not gonna take it anymore!
10:35 – Robb tries to support Marie (the broken record persists, at least they have each other’s back) and then gets mixed up with Derek (who, for the second straight house drinking event, is in it to win it). It goes there to the point where Robb must take off his shirt in a show of strength while Chet and Frank (Now a peacemaker! What is going on?) try to maintain order. Commercial break, please.
10:37 – MTV contends that everyone is talking about Catfish. So far, I have met only one person who is talking about Catfish. Where are these people?
10:37 – Chet (number 1 in the rankings for a reason) summates the return to action as only Chet can: “This night is pathetic to watch. It is further evidence that Robb and Marie are unstable as both competitors and, more importantly, as human beings.” Of all the people on The Challenge who I would most like to sit and watch The Challenge with (or watch life with, for that matter), three are on Team Brooklyn and this does not even include JD (whose head would be fascinating to be inside for a day). Chet’s successful peacemaking is just beautiful to watch. A star he is.
10:39 – It gets even better back in bunkhouse Vegas. Chet: “Trishelle is kind of like that recently divorced mom that is trying to party with her daughters. She’s been flirting with me quite a bit. I wouldn’t mind having my way with her.” Chet, yes you can! Trishelle is flirting right back. Trishelle: “Chet’s adorable. He is funny, cool. There is nothing wrong with flirting. It is just innocent fun.” In the scheme of social subplots, this is a great one.
10:42 – It’s arena time and the event is “Water Torture.” The vibe coming from Team Las Vegas is refreshingly endearing. Dustin and Trishelle are positive, joking with one another, and both seem relaxed for the circumstance they are in. After an off-week for these two, win or lose tonight, they were able to rediscover some of their Challenge mojo.
10:43 – As “Water Torture” begins, the early drama is figuring out the breathing system. Both Robb and Dustin are doing so with a sense of humor, an unusual response to torture. Props, gentlemen.
10:44 – The weekly Challenge clip during the commercial break shows a Team San Diego hoedown at some daytime party. Devyn seems to accurately portray this group dance as a “hot-ass mess.”
10:45 – I have no idea what to make of Jack Reacher. It could be a sneaky good action movie or it could be a disaster. I literally have no idea.
10:48 – Torture time, and according to Devyn, “Dustin is making it look easy.” She is also enjoying looking at his “six pack abs” because “that is easy too.” Devyn, when considering your participation on this year’s The Challenge, the pleasure has been ours.
10:49 – There is yet another commercial midway through the arena. I can imagine the drama live in the arena, but alas, the “Water torture” is a bit mundane while watching at home. Memory following does not translate well on TV and I struggle to follow the happenings (except when Camila and Easy imploded many many weeks ago).
10:55 – I guess there was some drama (Trishelle may have messed up a few squares), but Team Las Vegas, led my Dustin’s amphibious (Zach, again, nice work with the metaphors) skills prove to be too much for Robb and Marie. Trishelle has a great moment of exultation: “Dustin, I love you even though we fought for the last three days!” It feels like three years ago.
10:56 – Dustin and Trishelle’s post-game interview involves more smiling, more laughing together, and more cuteness. Whatever they had in their system, it is long gone. Team Las Vegas is back.
10:56 – Marie and Robb go out with some pride and sense of humor. Robb: “I think the rest of the house is gonna feel probably relieved. They don’t have two drunken assholes T-Rexing around anymore, so.” Marie: “They don’t have to deal with my mouth anymore.” Marie hopes that no one hugs her on her way out because she will “body slam them like…” until Robb stops her from finishing. Robb and Marie have been a consistent fixture on our Wednesday nights for some time and the viewer could not have asked for a better send off. As TJ says, hopefully we will see you in the future.
10:57 – TJ resets the game. There are four teams left, one challenge, and one elimination. If you get power team status, all of you have to do is “make it through [TJ’s] final, and you get money.” All you have to do. TJ, we know better that what you have to do is going to be a wee bit difficult.
10:58 – After a text from TJ, the remaining competitors learn that the next challenge will be in Namibia! There is universal excitement, but Zach sums up the other prevalent sentiment: “Where is Namibia?”
10:58 – Trishelle: “Is it an animal? Is it a state of mind?”
10:58 – Dustin is super-excited to be heading to Africa, but, at the same time, scared about what Africa is going to bring. Cue a preview of some scary Africa clips (including the Dustin jump out of a plane clip from the original season trailer). This is going to be a bit cray.
WEEKLY CHALLENGE INDIVIDUAL POWER RANKINGS
The rankings will be based on an un-Hollinger/sabermetrics method known as “My experience and observations” (See: Marc Stein’s great NBA weekly power rankings). Weight will be given to how well teams and individuals do on competitions, in the social game, and whether he or she is a “good competitor.”
THE MEN
1 (1) Chet (Team Brooklyn) – Chet had one of those episodes where he was given adequate airtime to display his array of gifted interpersonal ability, savvy gameplay, peacekeeper essentiality, teammate loyalty, witty banter, and in a somewhat surprising showing, his flirtation skills. He is the total Challenge: Battle of the Seasons package and has been flexing this muscle for weeks now.
2 (2) Zach (Team San Diego) – Not only a master of interview metaphor and pink scarves, Zach dominated the “Force Field” challenge and was the definitive leader of Team San Diego in their St. Thomas arena-send-in decision. His free spirit and lack of self-effacing humility and humor have been one this season’s great revelations.
3 (3) Dustin (Team Las Vegas) – Last week I wrote, “I have a feeling Mr. Zito will be able to recover next week.” I didn’t how right I would be. His southern charm, competitive spirit, and encouraging teammate self were back and maybe even better than before. He was in “nothing to lose” mode which translated to “will not lose” in the arena.
4 (4) Frank (Team San Diego) – Frank was again dominant in the challenge, but again the provoker (Marie was mainly to blame on this one, though) of the house drama. I do credit him for being able to help the situation as best he could (his attempts were genuine) and I felt for how the Marie arena decision devastated him.
5 (7) Derek (Team Cancun) – Derek held his own (for as long as possible) in “Force Field” and, although he could not avoid drama this episode, he seemed to be completely in control and mostly justified. Derek has every chance to be a key player in the two remaining episodes.
6 (6) JD (Team Brooklyn) – JD got the most airtime this week of any previous week, although I thought most of it was at his expense. There has to be some truth in Team Brooklyn blaming him for their “Force Field” dq and in Marie’s dolphin-themed attack. If anyone can better explain JD to me, please do!
ELIMINATED: Robb (Team St. Thomas) – Robb grew on this show week to week and ended his long St. Thomas run with a respectable showing. Robb with two Bs, we will miss your presence on Wednesday nights. You are welcome to come back soon.
THE WOMEN
1 (1) Sarah (Team Brooklyn) – Despite some JD inspired teammate disparagement, Sarah’s game face is always on. Her “Force Field” complete domination (and teamwork with Devyn) and strategy session with Chet display this focus. Sarah will be in the final and will be ready.
2 (3) Ashley (Team San Diego) – Ashley continues to rise in the rankings with a delicate (but effective) handling of some of her more temperamental teammates and consistent (although not too successful this week) showings in challenges. She has yet to step into an arena (amazing) and unless San Diego is sent there next week, may not have to.
3 (5) Jonna (Team Cancun) – Jonna was fiesty as ever and has one more week to survive to the final. I continue to appreciate her push for the win and uber-competitive spirit. She has managed to keep her Zach relationship drama-less and has reaped the benefits of the personal connection and team alignment. She has played an overall outstanding game.
4 (4) Devyn (Team Brooklyn) – Devyn has been a joy to get to know and furthered her successful run in this game with some “bad-ass” inner tube work with Sarah. Always quotable, her interview skills would be ranked first among women.
5 (7) Trishelle (Team Las Vegas) – Trishelle may have still had difficulty bringing the edge to the challenge, but her subsequent performance in the arena, newly formed resolution with Dustin (and sense of humor that came with it), and smile inducing Chet flirtation seemed so carefree. After the team turmoil of last week, she and Dustin are more unified than before and potentially very dangerous for other teams.
6 (6) Sam (Team San Diego) – Poor Sam came back from last week’s plant pot incident as the continual receiver of Marie’s wrath. Marie really got to her (as Frank did earlier in the season), but fortunately, for Sam, she is no longer in Marie’s cross hairs.
ELIMINATED: Marie (Team St. Thomas) – Marie went out with a bang (the definitive star of the episode) and defined herself as one of the great new female characters, competitors, and drama centers that The Challenge has had in years. She was in the game from the beginning, aligned with right people, and stood up for herself when it was time. For she and Robb to last so long should be a point of pride. We look forward to seeing her again.
FULL TEAM RANKINGS
Note: Team rankings are compiled by adding up the individual rankings and dividing by number of players remaining. Teams with the lowest total average ranking are ranked better than the highest (i.e. you want as few points as possible)
1 (1) TEAM BROOKLYN Average: 3, last week: 3
Sarah (1), Chet (1), JD (6), Devyn (4)
Can they win as foursome? Although Team Brooklyn buckled under pressure a bit after the JD/Chet disqualification, Chet was able to simmer the tide and show that when faced with adversity, there is an internal mechanism to combat it. More and more, I think JD (over Devyn) may be the team liability (the other’s lack of belief in him rests the primary reason), but if appropriately supported and encouraged, he may be fine. If Sarah and Chet’s conversation is a harbinger of things to come, we may not see this foursome reach the finals.
What pairings can win? Sarah and Chet can win The Challenge. JD and Devyn cannot. There is little to no scenario that Sarah and Chet are going into the arena (if Brooklyn is forced to, Devyn and JD are up), so the JD/Devyn combo will not ever be alone.
2 (3) TEAM SAN DIEGO Average: 3.5, last week: 4
Zach (2), Sam (6), Ashley (2), Frank (4)
Can they win as foursome? Yes. This is a strong team, and Sam, their weakest link, is now completely supported by Zach. I think they are stronger as four than as two. The personality clashes under pressure are still their major Achilles heel (and a big one at that).
What pairings can win? I have a feeling that this question is a moot point. I think we can expect their foursome to be in the finals.
Can they win as a pair? Yes! They got their stuff together this week (at least in time for the arena) and showed what a dynamic pairing they can be. As long as Dustin stays in supportive southern gentlemen mode, they have a very real shot at winning this thing.
T-4 (5) TEAM CANCUN Average: 4, last week: 6
Jonna (3), Derek (5), Eliminated: CJ, Jasmine
Can they win as a pair? At this point, I would consider them the biggest underdog to win this game. They have to get through three more (the next challenge, a possible arena, the final final challenge) to win, and I am just not sure if they are strong enough to get past all three. Derek and Jonna remain combative and passionate, so it would be foolish to in any way count them out.
And finally, during the “NEXT ON THE CHALLENGE” preview, this is what I saw:
Devyn (along with everyone else left) is going to Africa, “the homeland.”
Zach has never seen so many people go to the medic in his life.
There are three helicopters (what what?) in the final challenge and (SPOILER ALERT!!!!!!) Sarah and Trishelle react (score one for DVR and Teams Las Vegas and Brooklyn).
We are heading to Namibia for the final challenge, arena, and final final challenge! There are only two episodes remaining (sadly), so brace yourself for an amazing finish. Tune in at 10 PM on MTV for the next episode of The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons.
David Bloom can be reached on twitter at @davidbloom7. His weekly CHALLENGE POWER RANKINGS come out weekly on Derek Kosinski’s UltimateChallengeRadio.com. The Week 12 power rankings will be available sometime after December 13.
TheX Factor takes a fair amount of self-referential pride in being a trendsetter, a buzz machine that drives popular culture, and a weekly live event that supposes to be the centerpiece of the musical universe. In reality, little of this has been true in its first and now (nearing the end of) second United States season, but, in order for it to succeed, The X Factor and its most essential promoters (the hosts and the judges, the mad men from Pepsi-Cola, not always Fox) must believe it be true. Khloe and Mario (congrats on the marriage this past weekend), befuddled and overmatched as they may be, are paid to facilitate a consummate self (as in TheX Factor’s self) promotional tour. They spend their weekly three hours of live airtime reminding the viewer just how important the many happenings on the stage are. They improvise questions (habitually disastrous and poorly timed) of fabricated significance, they react to playful banter between Demi and Simon as if they are observing moments of unheard of dramatic tension, and they introduce each judge entrance and contestant performance as if the fate of the universe (listen, the opening credits justify my hyperbolic metaphor) is in play. Unfortunately, we too often see through the work (a generous term) of Ms. Kardashian Odom, the artist formally known as AC Slater, and the publicity junket juggernaut to find all of the glitz and glamoured overproduction disingenuous. Does this competition and all the baggage that too often comes with it really justify a $5 million recording contract prize? Do any of these contestants even deserve it? Should the brain trust of the show be sent to the naughty corner?
With these questions and thoughts too frequently pervading the audience psyche during each weekly viewing, something made this week’s shows featuring an audience “choose your own adventure (at least in CeCe’s case) of a song” Pepsi-Challenge and an “unplugged” performance feel so different. On one level, the judges panel (excluding Ms. Spears who wears her passion on her sleeve, except she doesn’t seem to wear any sleeves) could not have been more committed to their mentees and the performers at large. Simon (always strives to reach the $5 million ceiling of the show), LA (finally grooving after faltering earlier in the season), and Demi (with newly sharpened edges and some refreshing honesty) went to bat for the contestants and the competition itself. They were passionate, clear, forward-thinking, enthusiastic, and largely accurate in their understanding of performance success or lack there of. They cheerleadered the answer to the big “so what?” question that the X Factor must continually face with a contagious energy. I cared because they cared.
Although judge positive activity (in its many manifestations) is an essential component to the success of this show, ultimately, it is about the contestants, and for the first time all season, this group of contestants left everything on that stage. Maybe this is a byproduct of the depreciating numbers and proximity to the finals, but something universally clicked and we, the audience at home, were finally faced with the music (stealing X Factor puns is my right). Riding the birth of a Carly Rose star nation wave (she is really in a different league), the momentum throughout the first night of performances was filled memorable musical moments and heightened clarity as to who these artists are right now and what they may become.
Two eliminations later, we are down to the top 4, and for the first time all season, the buzz (especially surrounding the privilege of experiencing a Carly Rose Sonenclar performance) is worthy.
Before we scout out the top 4 contestants and take a moment to honor the fallen two, here a few side notes that must be addressed:
Drew Chadwick of Emblem3 wore sleeves all week. Apparently the memo was received.
The Sony X headphones segment was vomit-inducing (in a Survivor private cinema showing of Jack and Jill kind of way). The product placement propensity is one thing, but to ask the contestants to discuss the origins of their love of music synonymously with their use of the Sony X headphones was unforgivable.
The segments involving conversations over tea between Carly Rose and Diamond could be made into a very watchable television show (I so wanted to hear more of their analysis on last week’s Vino exit). It could be called “Teenage Tea Talk” or “An Afternoon with Carly Rose and Diamond” or “Britney said what?” (clearly my show titles need some work).
I know I mentioned this a little bit above, but Demi is doing great work on this show. For a few weeks there she was struggling to find her mentor wings (and maybe never did), but her seat at the judge’s table continues to bring insight and perspective (whether I agree or disagree). Her ability to frame her own opinion, challenge contestants with largely tangible constructive criticism, and articulate her ideas in a compassionate way have all impressed. We sometimes forget how young she is to be doing this very high-profile gig so well. Whether she is back next year or not, I am proud to have become a fan of Demi Lovato (now off to the naughty chair with you).
Now to the top 4 and some goodbyes to Diamond, CeCe, and Demi’s mentor role…
The Top 4 (as ranked by America)
1 (2) Tate Stevens (should be 2)
Is this the right ranking? This displacement at the top is not the right ranking (Carly Rose should be a definitive number 1 – more on that in a bit), and despite a mini-comeback with his Pepsi-Challenge Garth Brooks tune that fit in the best part of his wheelhouse, the acoustic “Living on a Prayer” is not soon annulled from the record. For many weeks now, I have been asking for Team LA/Tate to explore the “countrification” of a song outside of Tate’s comfort zone genre, so I do applaud the attempt. Simply put, this attempt failed. As high note limitations were illuminated by not attempting the iconic chorus lead vocal, so too were artist limitations. This is no offense to country music, the sanctity of its industry, and an acknowledgment of its continual instances of crossover appeal, but its niche audience (albeit a huge one that can from time to time dominate the billboard popular music charts) has a certain American cultural ceiling (the metropolitan cities on the coasts are not central audience hubs). Tate is the same way. He can be a successful and even a very good country singer (or so I am told by Demi), but he not of the caliber of singer/performer to deserve a $5 million recording contract.
What needs to happen going forward to win? At this point, Tate needs to stay country. I think that he may not be capable of the crossover artistry that I have craved and his best chance at winning is to keep doing what his fans love him for.
2 (1) Carly Rose Sonenclar (should be 1)
Is this the right ranking? No. Carly Rose should be number 1 and should win The X Factor. I agree with LA that Carly Rose’s performance of Justin Bieber’s “As Long As You Love Me” was record ready. She, probably in ways that she has not before, showed such incredible and nuanced musical restraint that allowed some of the less travelled components of her artistry to shine (in contrast to her impressive big note belts that have highlighted previous week performances). I have heard the song once or twice before Wednesday night, and, through this lack of familiarity, heard it almost fresh as a real Carly Rose track. As mentioned last week, like Adam Lambert on AI before her, her vocal and performance capabilities are so awe-inspiring that I eagerly await each new performance in a middle school crush kind of way (the butterflies and goosebumps begin with the anticipation). Although “If I Were a Boy” had some moments slightly below the pitch on some of the high belted notes (see Simon and Demi – she is human after all!), the idea that she continues to attack some of the best female vocal performers in history (and this week, she didn’t even have a choice) and so competently perform them, is simply remarkable. With four acts left in the competition, it is not too late to jump onboard the Carly Rose Sonenclar train to tune-in to witness the birth of this star.
What needs to happen going forward to win? She nailed the nuanced artistry this week on her Bieber track. Now, I am with Demi that combatting an uptempo number should be part of Carly Rose’s next challenge. With the finals just a few weeks away, she must work to find new ways to increase her voting block and overtake Tate once again.
3 (3) Emblem3 (should be 4)
Is this the right ranking? No, they should be fourth, and the difference between Emblem3 and Fifth Harmony is widening. Last week, Demi called for a change-up from the physically clumping reggae/ska/pop performances that Emblem3 seem to have stalled at. Wesley responded with talk about “playing their own instruments” and “writing their own songs.” This comment was curious because from the start of my Emblem3 journey, I have questioned their musical abilities (certainly as singers) and have struggled to consistently understand their dynamism, but coming out of the acoustic “Just the Way You Are,” a no-frills attached performance was not a friend of changing my opinion. Unlike Carly Rose, who, when singing Celine or Beyoncé, benefits by living up to the comparison to the original, Bruno Mars is an amazing vocalist and the boys of Emblem3 did not come close, thereby hurt by the comparison. Even more disappointing was the performance of Drew “sleeved this week” Chadwick who finally got the opportunity to sing outside of his faux-rapping style that we have grown accustomed to in earlier performances. Sadly, he really shouldn’t be singing (let alone in a $5 million competition) at all (he has the most bizarre vowel usage) and his guitar seemed to only add background filler to the track. I am happy that these boys love music and skateboarding and I think they have found a way to fuel some of their more negative energies or tendencies, but this is the big leagues and they should not be a part of that.
What needs to happen going forward to win? I don’t think they can win. With fewer acts, they are more exposed as teenage boys who crashed a party that they should never have been invited to.
4 (4) Fifth Harmony (should be 3)
Is this the right ranking? I would have them ranked ahead of Emblem3, but well below Tate and Carly. Fifth Harmony (or Fifth Unison as LA would like to think, brilliant) were solid to good on both of their performances (they set fire to the rain, but it blew out quickly), but, in LA’s request for more substantive representation of the their name in their song arrangements comes a challenge they have yet to overcome. What is their musical identity? I do appreciate that recent weeks have had fewer “pass the solo” to all performer moments and have focused more on one or two leads (Lauren has been the primary beneficiary, more Camila please), but I still don’t get what I am hearing beyond five pretty good to awesome solo artists. Demi was sweet to applaud their version of her “Give Your Heart a Break,” but I can objectively disagree with her assessment that they did it better than the original. They still have too much Fifth Unison going on and not enough time to right the ship to victory.
What needs to happen going forward to win? Last week I wrote: I want to connect more them as a musical artist and less as a sweet, “so happy to be here” teenybopper story. This remains true and as Carly Rose and Tate have started to define who they are (or not in the case of Tate’s Bon Jovi fail) in musical terms, Fifth Harmony is still finding that footing. Material that provides a more dynamic harmonic background (think a female version of Mumford and Sons, in cases like this I yearn for a group like Sister C) could propel them closer to the final.
Eliminated
CeCe Frey (should be 6)
On Wednesday night, CeCe Frey tried to take on Lady Gaga and Katy Perry (the audience’s choice) and did a solid showing, but her fate was sealed a long time ago. Simon keeps applauding her for being a fighter and for “making this competition interesting.” I agree, but it has been for all the wrong reasons. CeCe has spent Season 2 of TheX Factor as a competitor on this edge of glory who has provided the editors a through storyline of futility, overconfidence, and unhealthy competition. The Paige and CeCe bootcamp sing-offs and all access initial audition behind the scenes footage never gave the audience a chance with CeCe. She was polarizing from the start (some of it is just the way we react to her), but, if they really believed in her talent (albeit closer to false than true), why not cultivate it instead of making her into a pawn in a contrived narrative? Notwithstanding, CeCe’s time had come and she took it all in stride. She is a woman who grew so much during the X Factor process and whose production team did not let the audience always in on these changes.
Diamond White (should be 5)
One of my favorite moments of Thursday night was Diamond’s comment to Mario and Khloe after having been eliminated about how Cher Lloyd (a successful recording artist that had not reached my purview until her performance on The X Factor several weeks ago) also finished fifth on The X Factor (in the UK) and that this could bode well for Diamond in the future. This optimism, this sparkle in her eye, and her exceptional vocal talent will be missed.
My rankings:
Carly Rose Sonenclar
Tate Stevens
Fifth Harmony
Emblem 3
What do you think? Did you forget about Melanie Amaro too? Can Carly Rose retake number 1 before the finals? Why did Drew start firing an air machine gun after his second performance? Is Drew the new Vino (a live tv director’s nightmare) when it comes to unscripted microphone chatter?
David J. Bloom can be reached on twitter @davidbloom7 and writes about pop culture and the NBA for Bishop and Company. His weekly THE CHALLENGE: BATTLE OF THE SEASON Power Rankings appears weekly on Derrick Kosinski’s ultimatechallengeradio.com.
With under a minute left in last night’s Celtics/Nets game at the Garden, an unnecessary (but not egregious) extracurricular push by Kris “challenging public persona” Humphries to Kevin Garnett’s airborne shot continuation body provoked a Rajon Rondo reaction that ultimately results in the question of “how many games?” rather than “will he be suspended?” The tweetbookosphere has erupted with varying opinions of whether Rondo’s audience set (a NBA no no) scrum was justified as sticking up for his big brother teammate KG or a completely superfluous overreaction that will only cost the Celtics further harm (especially if Rondo is missing multiple games – a strong likelihood). As a viewer watching live at home, my initial reaction was an adrenaline burst (honestly, when was the last time the Celtics had this kind of altercation, Ralph Sampson’s bullying of Jerry Sichting in ’86?) and a desire to understand the flurry of activity that all happened so fast. In this understanding lies my ultimate take: when a player excessively goes after a Celtic, Rondo will react (I have seen him do this push thing before). I can see both sides of why this is acceptable, but most of the time, the result may be at worse a harmless technical while openly acknowledging that Rondo has his teammates back. After the dozens of replays, I think Rondo had a normal Rondo reaction. KG was on the floor. Kris Humphries was the reason, and Rondo was going to let him know about it. It would have all been over, but unfortunately, the former Ms. Kardashian (what a bizarre chapter looking back) tried to grab the Celtics floor leader in a push lock, fought back, and finally maintained a strong hold for way too long and in the wrong location (into the audience). It was an overreaction to a reasonable reaction that in some cases (as was the case last night) could have dire consequences for Rondo and the Celtics. Rondo took this risk (as he often does) to defend KG and last night things just got out of hand. If the NBA comes down with a 3 or 5 game mandatory rest, it is what it is. Rondo took a hard foul to the audience, but my hope is that they review his track record of reasonable teammate defender (Tommy Heinsohn rightfully applauded this, sorry Ric Bucher, I don’t agree with you) and give him a little leeway. At 8-7 and with a defense that seems to be all out of sorts when KG is on the bench, this is a critical time for Celtics Nation. Let us hope that Rondo’s absence is as short-lived as possible…
The X Factor decision to air the live results elimination (and don’t forget a rousing performance by Cher Lloyd!) on Thanksgiving night is a consistent reminder of this season’s production team brain trust failure. As the NFL preemption yielded an 8:15 EST start, I still had an inkling of hope that maybe they would save the elimination for next week. Unfortunately, my wishes were not their command, and on a night when America sits together in connected harmony, X Factor presented the disharmony of (not one but) two eliminations. This decision all but eradicated the small amount of goodwill brought on by Wednesday night’s “I am thankful for you” (frequently over the top emotional) tear festival. The good news in all of this (and maybe Mario could refrain from butchering her last name pronunciation as Sonenblerg as he did Thursday night, just embarrassing), Carly Rose Sonenclar had an X Factormoment, a two and a half minute journey “somewhere over the rainbow” that makes sticking around for the many pitfalls along the way (Khloe had a particularly challenging time this week) well worth it. On Wednesday night’s X Factor, America saw the birth of a star.
Here is my take on the top 8 as voted by America, beginning with Miss Carly Rose “don’t you dare forget this name” Sonenclar taking her rightful place at number 1:
The Top 8 (as ranked by America)
1 (2) Carly Rose Sonenclar (should be 1)
She is thankful for: Her older brother Russ, who, according to an inside source who attends college with him, is a really sweet guy.
Is this the right ranking? YES! YES! YES!!!! Carly Rose Sonenclar is the one beat and this week, according to Simon (even in perhaps an understatement), she “blew away the competition.” Her “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” (the Eva Cassidy-like arrangement) was breathtaking, transformative, and finally (Carly Rose’s only real obstacle to winning) felt accessible. As the wave of Carly Rose admiration begins to build even more height and depth over the remaining week’s of X Factor’s second US season, it will be her viable recording artist ascension that we tune in for. We are all witnesses.
What needs to happen going forward? This week’s stunning performance was as close to flawless (song selection, arrangement, execution) as you can get live. I think it is important that every song that Carly Rose delivers in the future is of her caliber, quality, and ability. Stay away from throwaway and transient pop tunes and embrace the material from the great American or Popular Music Songbook.
2 (1) Tate Stevens (should be 4)
He is thankful for: His dad, who sacrificed his own musical career aspirations as a drummer to be able to support his family.
Is this the right ranking? It is not that Tate had an off week, it just wasn’t his week (and somewhat surprisingly, he managed to hold off Vino Alan, who, by all accounts, was the runner-up to Carly on Wednesday’s nights show). I think Tate is a warm and cuddly story, but his viability beyond this show (and certainly as deserving a 5 million dollar talent competition) remains a question. Now that Carly Rose is placed where she belongs, if some of his upper tier competitors have transcendent performances, I could foresee Tate falling down even more.
What needs to happen going forward? I think Tate needs to have a performance that stretches his artistry within his genre. Think David Cook’s brilliant “Always Be My Baby” from several Idol seasons ago. He did an off-type Mariah Carey song in his own and it was very successful. Run of the mill country ballads (albeit well executed) may not bring him back to the top.
3 (3) Vino Alan (should be 3)
He is thankful for: The troops (there had to be one) due in part to his experience singing for them on a base near his house (they wouldn’t allow him to serve because his head tattoos were not going to work in the military).
Is this the right ranking? Vino Alan knows how to deliver a patriotic ballad the night before Thanksgiving (and I do agree with Simon that “God Bless the USA” has a pleasing melodic line). This was his best performance to date (by a long shot) and came across as sincere when singing (as discussed previously, when Vino’s mic is turned on after the performance, unexpected and peculiars things seem to happen). Vino at number 3 (he could have even been second) seems about right.
What needs to happen going forward? We are often told how much Vino has gone through in life, but have yet to see a song selection effectively connect to his backstory. I want LA to find material that will give Vino a bit more authenticity because the “gooey on the inside” common allusion is not what he projects on the outside (let’s just say that a dark alley may not be the place that I want to meet Vino for the first time).
4 (4) Emblem3 (should be 5)
They are thankful for: Their spiritual leaders who have housed them, clothed them, and taken them on outdoor journeys filled with martial arts and survival skills (the moral of this story is to find me my own spiritual leader).
Is this the right ranking? Yeah, it just about right. Their cover of “Secrets” by OneRepublic was a little boring. On a positive note, Emblem3 seem to be maturing as people (not enough to avoid obnoxious “Hi Mom, I am on camera” walk byes backstage) and have clearly bonded with Simon. The spark of creation that we witnessed a few weeks ago (X Factor able) seems like a long time ago at this point and I am just not sure they have the talent to compete with Carly Rose. When they were next to Beatrice and CeCe as the only non-safe act remaining, I was not surprised and this is not a good thing (even if their inclusion was just to create more drama).
What needs to happen going forward? I am starting to realize that their musical scope may be more limited than I thought. Their reggaed emo-pop m.o. has been done and done, but I am just not sure what else is there for them. Simon needs to find them a song that does their thing better than they have ever done it before. I would not be surprised to see them hover close to elimination next week (if some of the acts under them on the leader board step to the plate).
5 (7) Diamond White (should be 2)
She is thankful for: Her mom, in what might of have been the most heartfelt thank you of the evening.
Is this the right ranking? No, I think Diamond could and should be even higher. Her “Because You Love Me” nailed the theme and evidently nailed her beautiful mother/daughter connection. I believed every word and so did Diamond. In a Carly Rose-less competition, Diamond would be the girl of the moment, but she is sadly compared to Carly Rose’s crazy (alien dare the judges say) talent and professionalism. Regardless, Diamond is wonderful singer and a special young person.
What needs to happen going forward? The last two weeks I wrote this: Diamond must find song content that allows her voice to soar while acknowledging that she is very much a girl, not yet (even close to being) a woman. This week, she nailed this. More of the same for Diamond will continue her rise in the rankings.
6 (10) Paige Thomas (should be 8)
She is thankful for: Colleen, a beautiful surrogate mom (Paige’s tragically passed away when she was six), who took Paige in when she was a young teenager and has been there for her ever since.
Is this the right ranking? No, this is one of the biggest surprises of the week. I love Colleen and Paige’s story, but unfortunately, her performance of Britney’s “Everytime” was one of the worst performances of the live shows, filled with unexpected and inexcusable pitch problems and overdramatic shaky voice syndrome. I may have even preferred Britney’s vocal rendition (at least auto-tuned is tuned). Based on her performance (and past performances), Paige should have gone home.
What needs to happen going forward? I think Paige’s journey to be an over-the-top costumed, stage production heavy, but vocally average performer may be irreversible. Her last chance may be to strip everything back and just sing again on a topic that does espouse tears (one of Paige’s perennial struggles).
7 (6) Fifth Harmony (should be 6)
They are thankful for: God.
Is this the right ranking? Let’s start with their thankfulness. I take all pre-performance videos for what they are: melodramatic, but at times touching. Fifth Harmony’s love fest did not hit the right notes with me and felt too fabricated and impersonal. This led to a performance of “I’ll Stand By You” that the judges seemed to love, but I had trouble connecting with. I look at this week as a bit of a mulligan for this fabulous five. Look for a little comeback next week.
What needs to happen going forward? I will back off my assertion last week that they are a dark horse to win this thing (there is no way that Carly Rose will lose to this group), but I think they still have a runner-up ceiling. Next order of business for Fifth Harmony is to define their sound (to their credit, I think they have found and discovered – albeit packaged – a group identity offstage).
8 (5) CeCe Frey (should be 7)
She is thankful for: Her late sister Kelsey, who tragically passed away when CeCe was very little due to complications related to CP.
Is this the right ranking? It is close to correct, although I would definitely have her above Paige. Her performance of “The Wind Beneath My Wings” was delivered honestly and beautifully to Kelsey. Besides Diamond, I thought this was the best execution of the “I am thankful for…” theme of the week. I give her credit for doing what she did after watching her pre-song video, but after weeks of tears from both her and Paige, it is hard to discern how much of it is real and how much is theatrics. Sorry.
What needs to happen going forward? I am still not sure. Her “it” or “X” as always been a factor with CeCe, so I would play more into that next week. If there is another double elimination, I would expect her to go home.
Eliminated – Arin Ray (last week in 9th place)
Arin Rsy should be proud of how far he went in this competition. From the beginning, I think he was always little overmatched and this week’s reaction to judge critique displayed just how hard this type of show is for a person of his age (see: Beatrice’s reaction to being eliminated). I wish the best and hope that he and Normani can continue to kind of be something more than friends.
Eliminated – Beatrice Miller (laat week in 8th place)
Beatrice did an admirable job of singing through week after week of Britney’s drab modern/alternative rock song selections (as a huge Snow Patrol fan, I struggled through “Chasing Cars” this week). Her ode to her two twin sisters was really sweet (Did you catch the moment when the surprise visit almost was “derailed” when twin number 2 tripped on the stairs en route to her Beatrice reunion hug? The producers tried to edit it out, but twins number 1’s point of contact would have been missed, so leave it in the background did they. Tough moment). Again, especially after answering “no” to Khloe’s irresponsible “Are you ok?” question after having been eliminated (Beatrice was sobbing at the time, so she is obviously not, Miss “struggled mightily this week” Kardashian Odom), this is a tough road for a thirteen-year-old, and Beatrice should hang her head high.
My rankings:
Carly Rose Sonenclar
Diamond White
Vino Alan
Tate Stevens
Emblem 3
Fifth Harmony
CeCe Frey
Paige Thomas
What do you think? Will Arin and Normani stay close? Did Carly Rose correct Mario’s pronunciation of her name? Do Khloe and Mario rehearse any of this?
David J. Bloom can be reached on twitter @davidbloom7 and writes about pop culture and the NBA for Bishop and Company. His weekly THE CHALLENGE: BATTLE OF THE SEASON Power Rankings appears weekly on Derrick Kosinski’s ultimatechallengeradio.com.
I am not usually one to go crazy over a posterizing dunk, but this one stood out just a little bit because it symbolizes a clear and definitive momentum swing for a player trying to find his place over the first few weeks of the season. (And don’t worry about the tech. Courtney Lee offered to pay for it)
Ladies and gentlemen, let me introduce you to Mr. Jeff Green…
When I see a movie in theaters, I will write the five things you need to know about it.
5 Things You Need to Know About…
LINCOLN
1. Steven Spielberg’s transformative and triumphant Lincoln is a film that depicts the innermost inner workings of our nation’s government at perhaps the foremost of historical crossroads. The question of slavery abolition legislation in January of 1865 (as proposed through the 13th Amendment) is the two hours and twenty nine minutes traffic of our stage. Despite its essential historical record and human condition exploration, the traffic is slow-moving, dense, and not ready-made for the average filmgoer, but like the challenges faced by President Lincoln and the great legislative and citizen abolitionist pioneers, Lincoln could not be more well worth the struggle.
2. Daniel Day-Lewis’s portrayal of the sixteenth United States President is simply the best performance in the career of the world’s best living film actor. His full immersion commitment (staying in character throughout filming – on and off set, signing things “A” for Abraham) yields a revelatory cinematic experience. From his first scene on a Virginia battlefield to his last moments at the White House before his fateful trip to the Ford’s theater on an April night in 1865, Day-Lewis is so believably this behemoth of a man and American icon that he creates the most personal relationship I have ever had with a real-life person on screen. In one of the surest predictions I have ever had to make, Daniel Day-Lewis will win his third Best Actor Oscar at the 2013 Academy Awards.
3. In a brilliant career that has no equal in the medium, Steven Spielberg has never made a picture like Lincoln before. Its subtlety, its delicacy, its courageous devotion to the processes that surround its subject as much as the subject itself, its commitment to the human detail in a mosaic of recognizable actors portraying historical figures and legislative players, and its ability to rely on words more than images stand out amongst his pantheon of great works. This is the achievement of a director who has nothing left to prove, yet Mr. Spielberg has created another incredible journey to assert why he is the greatest living storyteller.
4. Tommy Lee Jones, triumphantly playing abolitionist congressmen Thaddeus Stevens of Pennsylvania, is at the centre of the most moving and inspiring moment of the picture (you will know it when you see it). It reaffirms how big picture monumental changes and concepts (like the 13th Amendment) yield the most personal of consequences.
5. Lincoln is a motion picture (Spielberg’s first since Saving Private Ryan) that, like its subject matter, will be remembered as an all-time great.
David J. Bloom can be reached on twitter @davidbloom7 and writes about pop culture and the NBA for Bishop and Company. His weekly X Factor column appears on Afterbuzztv.com and his weekly THE CHALLENGE: BATTLE OF THE SEASONS Power Rankings can be read on Derek Kosinski’s ultimatechallengeradio.com.
Tonight marks the 30th time I have lived through an opening night to the NBA season. (I am aware that the first few years I may not have been totally aware of what was going on – The Fo Fo Fo Sixers, rampant cocaine use, Jack Sikma’s hair – but do have real memories that beautifully begin with the 1986 “greatest NBA team of all-time” Celtics.) In honor of this triple decade milestone and the number of important ways the number 30 seems to play in NBA life (30 NBA teams, the number Olden Polynice wore as a member of the 1994 Los Angeles Clippers), I will numerically countdown the major stories, players, subplots, and trends in my most beloved professional sport.
30 – The number of years of David Stern’s tenure as NBA commissioner when he retires in February of 2014
Deputy Adam Silver and Retirement Tour David Stern
As announced last week, David’s Stern’s 16 month retirement tour has begun. In delaying his exit for over a year, Stern will pass Pete Rozelle as the longest serving commissioner in American professional sports history (it does seem like Bud Selig has been around a longer time). Although often criticized for his Machiavellian control and ruthless tactics, Mr. Stern has guided a league that showed NBA Finals games on tape delay to an international juggernaut whose signature players represent some of the most recognized personalities in the world. Although his tenure timing was impeccably placed with the rise of Magic, Larry, and MJ in the 80s, Stern’s creative initiatives, marketing brilliance, media-savvy decision-making (the NBA continues to be ahead of its time with on-line access), and guiding problem-solving skills during crises (two major labor disputes, the fact that Jamal Magloire was an all-star) have fostered the Association’s remarkable rise to preeminence. David Stern will be missed (and we have over a year and half to reminisce as successor Adam Silver waits in the “I have to handle second round of draft duty booing again?” wings).
29 – The number of NBA teams chasing the Miami Heat
For the foreseeable future (and not since Shaqobe’s 2000 Lakers behemoth), there is the Miami Heat and then everyone else (especially after the OKC/James Harden breakup this weekend). The Heat are the definitive league alpha dog and as chants at Sunday’s Celtics open practice can attest, it is all about “beat[ing] the Heat.”
27 – 28 – The ages of NBA royalty
In the year 2013, the following is a list of just some of the players who will at some point be either 27 or 28 years old: LeBron James, Chris Paul, Deron Williams, Carmelo Anthony, Andre Igoudala, Rajon Rondo, Zaza Pachulia, and Dwight Howard. Beyond Zaza (who feels like he has been around longer than 28 years), this is a healthy portion of the leagues elite, Olympic Gold Medal-winning, modern superstar class. 27-28 also marks the years in which many of the best all-time have made the ultimate leap. Jordan won his first of six championships at 28. Bird was in the middle of three consecutive MVPs. Magic’s Lakers won back to back championships, the first team to do so since Russell’s Celtics. LeBron has already reached the mountaintop (more on this later). How will Rajon Rondo and his Olympic brothers fare?
26 – The number of points per game that Kevin Love averaged in 2011-2012
Considering that the NBA’s best classic power forward has seen his points per game average rise an incredible average of 5 points per game over his first four seasons (a truly amazing statistic, albeit with relative minute per game increases), what is in store for Mr. Love and his Timberwolves this year? A recent push-up accident has sidelined Love for several weeks to start the season and with Ricky Rubio’s offensive wizardry expected to miss some early season time as well, the T-Wolves have their work cut out for them early on. In an injury-less world (especially one that features the potential of a 2009 Brandon Roy), they are a playoff basketball team. Due to injuries, I see Minnesota as the least predictive preseason pick.
25 – The legacy of Benji Wilson
Benji Wilson
30 for 30’s awesome recent documentary, “Benji,” chronicled the life and tragic shooting death of early 80s Chicago High School hoops star, Benji Wilson. In the fall of 1984, Benji and his Simeon Vocational High School team were coming off an Illinois Basketball State Championship and Benji was ranked first among all prep players in the country. According to Nike guru, Sonny Vaccaro, Benji was destined to be a surefire NBA star. Although I had heard of him, I knew very little before watching the doc. I was moved by his story and was surprised by the scope of his basketball influence and legacy. Adorning the number 25 for Simeon, Wilson inspired future Simeon star Derrick Rose and current high school phenom (if you have not heard of him, you will by 2014) Jabari Parker to wear number 25 in Benji’s honor. Mr. Rose will spend most (if not all) of the 2012-2013 recovering from last spring’s nasty ACL injury (a major NBA story that did tip the Eastern Conference balance of power) and Parker (a high school senior) is still a few years away, but the NBA “what could have been” story of Benji will not soon leave my mind.
24 – Kobe Bryant’s number
The Black Mamba, now entering his seventeenth season in the Association, has his best supporting cast since 2002. (Speaking of 2002, I was watching an episode of Alias that originally aired in 2002. Sydney’s friend Francie was all excited about going to a Laker game to see Kobe. If you had told me that the least dated thing about an Alias episode from ten years ago was seeing Kobe, then a six year veteran, play for the Lakers, I would have believed you not.) Much of league banter (and a portion of this column) centers on LeBron James and his ascension to the league throne. What is often lost (although Laker hype has been real) is just how amazing Kobe’s career has been (to the point that outside of LA, he may be a little underrated). He is currently fourth all-time in points and will, barring injury, probably pass Wilt sometime after the All-Star game and pass MJ early next year. He has five rings and the best chance for a sixth this year (an even better team than when he won in 2009 and 2010). Let’s say (gulp, god forbid) the Lakers put it all together and win it all in June. Kobe is inarguably moved ahead of Jerry West and Oscar Robertson as the third best guard of all-time (behind MJ and Magic), but I could argue that with six rings (stretched over 13 seasons to Magic’s 5 in 12 seasons), he has to be strongly considered as the best Laker of all-time (and subsequently only behind Michael for guards). Considering his suffering through the wasteful Smush Parker/Chris Mihm/Kwame Brown years, Kobe’s career (at age 34) is already transcendent, but could even have more life in it yet (thank you to German modern medicine!) and if the game’s best center and top 3 player loves LA (as I think Dwight will), crafty veteran Bryant could win more than just one more (LeBron will have a lot to say about this) and then how do we see him historically? Kobe Bryant may never be considered the best player of all-time (Jordan sneers in disgust of the mere thought), but his ceiling could be the best career of all-time.
23 – The average Brooklyn Nets win totals from the last two seasons
In case you hadn’t heard (wait really? Are you sure?), Brooklyn has a new basketball team. They are really from Brooklyn (like the Dodgers, Jay-Z, or Streisand) and are ready to dominate the NBA apparel market (if you have been a media cocoon and haven’t noticed, trust me – you will). Despite the Barclays Center/”welcome home”/best borough/monochromatic onslaught, there is still basketball to be played and the Nets have averaged 22 wins over the last two seasons (and I know last year was only 65 games, but they had only 12 wins the year before so it all evens out). After losing out on the media catastrophe that was the Dwight Howard sweepstakes, they acquired Joe “something is suspicious when your old team rejoices in unloading their supposed best player” Johnson, resigned the rebounding-deficient Brook “not your most eloquent public speaker” Lopez and Kris “I am so excited to be another year removed from the whole 72 day marriage to Kim Kardashian” Humphries, and were able to keep Deron “has yet to have a significant NBA moment” Williams only because Mark Cuban was absent from the Dallas Mavericks’ sales pitch on account of Shark Tank filming obligations (an amazing program) in LA. Throw in some journeyman bench veterans (Reggie Evans, Jerry Stackhouse, Keith Bogans, Josh Childress), some foreign players (Teletovic, Shengelia), one savvy move (C.J. Watson, a steal from Chicago), serviceable returnees (Gerald Wallace, MarShon Brooks), and the NBA’s great enigma (Andrae Blatche), and you have yourself a professional basketball team! On paper, they are certainly intriguing, but in actuality, I question their defense, their ability to find chemistry, and the potential for their best player to be a best player on a contending team. Could the Brooklyn goodwill and honestly positive franchise momentum (the New Jersey Nets, besides a brief Jason Kidd glory period in the early 2000s, were a eastern conference trouble spot) lead them to a 3 or 4 seed in the conference? Possibly. Let’s just not raise the banner yet, people.
22 – The number of games over .500 the Knicks will be (and the Eastern Conference 3 seed at 52-30)
One of my big bold 2012-2013 predictions is that the Knicks are going to be good (I mean really good). With Jason Kidd’s steadying force (more on that in a bit), the Brooklyn over-hype as motivation, an amazing collection of the leagues oldest veterans, some defensive possibilities with Ronnie Brewer, Iman Shumpert, and Tyson Chandler all playing at the same time, and Carmelo Anthony ready to make the ultimate leap (this is going to be most important), I think the Knicks will finally get over the underachieving regular season hump be a force to be reckoned with. Carmelo is the obvious key and if his permanent move to the 4 (Amare must accept a role off the bench, they simply cannot play Melo, Chandler, and Amare at the same time) works for all parties, watch out. I remember his three-point barrage game in London against Nigeria when on this night, Carmelo was the best player in the world. He has this in him and now that LeBron has reached the NBA land of glory, his old rival Melo wants a piece. Knicks will be the three seed in the East. You read it here (and probably only here, tough) first.
21 – Seasons since Larry Bird last played
There is not an NBA moment that goes by that I don’t miss watching the Legend play. For the first time in my lifetime, Larry Bird will not be an active member of the NBA (stepping down last July as Pacers general manager). I already feel the loss. We miss you, Larry.
20 – The age Anthony Davis turns in March
Anthony Davis
Believe the hype. Anthony Davis is a legit physical specimen, gained essential knowledge (especially in work ethic and game preparation) and confidence playing with Team USA this summer (thank you Blake Griffin injury), and is primed to be a star in this league. I love the New Orleans situation for him – great, young player’s coach in Monty Williams, a stud scorer on the wing (Eric Gordon), some promising young character guys to grow with (Austin Rivers), and some freedom to find his game in a low pressure, high upside team. He will win the 2012-2013 rookie of the year (he is going to get major minutes – often a necessity for ROY, Portland’s Damian Lillard will be the runner-up) and will be a highlight machine for doing things that no one else can (“run the floor, big man!”, the Western Conference version of Rajon Rondo). Welcome to the league, big fella.
19 – Current over/under on Bobcats wins going in to the season
I will take the under. Despite my genuine enjoyment of Michael Kidd-Gilchrist’s everything and my adoration for Gerald Henderson’s dad’s Celtic years (“Henderson stole the ball”), this is a painful team to be any part of who need to get even worse (is it possible?) before they can get better. For 41 nights during the year, season ticket holders in NBA arenas across the country will be looking for seat takers when the Bobcats come to town. The idea that Michael Jordan (the NBA’s ultimate modern era winner) has anything to do (he has everything to do with this team) makes me feel a little sick.
18 – The number of seasons played by Grant Hill (in fairness he was injured for one) and Jason Kidd entering 2012-2013
It is incredible that the two co-rookie of the year winners from 1995 are still here and almost twenty years later, will continue to be key contributors to their respective (and new) teams. Both are noteworthy for their “U2 in their first twenty years like” reinvention and subsequent preservation. Hill went from being the heir to the Michael/Scottie wing player throne to a devastating and potentially career ending injury-plagued stretch in Orlando to become a stalwart and efficient scorer and great on ball defender in his recent Steve Nash Phoenix years. Now, as a wing off the bench in LA for the Clippers,
he will be a major piece in the defend Kevin Durant/Kobe Bryant/LeBron James sweepstakes (something they severely lacked) and will likely play crunch time minutes next to CP3 and Blake. Jason Kidd was the league’s best point guard for many years (especially in his back-to-back Finals runs with the Nets), but was able to reinvent himself as smart distributor who can shoot wide open threes (he is third all-time!!!) with the Mavericks (finally winning a championship in 2011). Now as the Knicks backup point guard (backing up Ray “I have only been out of shape once in my career” Felton), he will play manageable minutes for a 39 year old, but could see lots of crunch time as the calming energy next to Carmelo, Amare, and JR Smith (especially in need of a calming force). My hat goes off to both of these two.
17 – The number of championships won by the Boston Celtics all-time
16 – The number of championships won by the Los Angeles Lakers franchise all-time
Although an admitted and unabashed loyal Celtics follower, I think this is a legitimate competition despite Laker naysayers always pointing out that five Laker trophies were handed out in Minneapolis before 1955. In Lakers defense (or no offense to the Celtics), since Bill Russell’s retirement in 1969, the Celtics have won six championships and the Lakers have won eleven. The competition for all-time NBA team supremacy heats up even more this year with a both teams doing some essential retooling in the world of LeBron and everyone else that place them both in the title contender conversation. The way I look at it? In a current league in which one team careers are more rare than a Andris Biedrins made free throw, I know how lucky I have been to watch Kobe Bryant and Paul Pierce represent these two storied franchises since 1998 (Kobe arrived in 1996). Other players have come and gone, but Pierce and Bryant have managed to survive their own trade demands, lousy teams (although Kwame Brown is one thing, Pierce has had his own slew of awful teammates), and life-altering moments to become the signature players of the post Magic and Larry eras of their respective clubs. It continues to be a privilege to enter an NBA season with a Kobe-led Lakers team and a Pierce-led Celtics team competing for an NBA title and historical bragging rights. May the best (Celtics) team win.
15 – My take: Kyrie Irving will be one of the top 15 players in the NBA this year
All NBA First Team – LeBron James, Kevin Durant, Dwight Howard, Kobe Bryant, Rajon Rondo
All NBA Second Team – Chris Paul, Russell Westbrook, Carmelo Anthony, Kevin Love, Chris Bosh
All NBA Third Team – Kyrie Irving, James Harden, Deron Williams, Andre Igoudala, Kevin Garnett
14 – The teams that are not making the playoffs
The following teams will not be making the 2013 NBA playoffs:
East – Bobcats (awful), Magic, Raptors (close, but not yet), Wizards (more professional, equally bad), Cavaliers (Kyrie is a lone bright spot in this group), Bucks, Pistons (a valiant effort)
West – Blazers, Kings (the NBA’s most combustible team), Jazz, Suns, Hornets (one of the most fun teams to watch), Rockets (ditto), Mavericks
13 – James Harden’s number, the new Houston Rocket alpha-dog
I think I have a pretty good handle of the NBA and certainly revere its history, but to say I understand the machinations of its economic system would be a gross overstatement (I leave this to the experts – I am looking at you Zach Lowe, Adrian Wojnarowski, Bill Simmons, and competent NBA GMs). My understanding is that James Harden is a Houston Rocket (and is about to sign max deal extension) because the Harden wanted max money and the Thunder did not want to pay a higher luxury tax. This forced the team with most credible threat to LeBron’s kingdom (more on this later) to send their 23-year-old budding star packing. What does this mean for oh great bearded one, Mr. Harden? I am of the camp that thinks Harden is legit and will be a top fifteen player in the league as soon as this year (see my All-NBA selections above, making the Thunder decision to trade all the more baffling). The Rockets went from a bunch of weird parts plus Jeremy Lin and Omer “defensive genius” Asik to a very intriguing team (especially if Royce White gains some NBA comfort) that will have cap flexibility down the line and a star player in Harden. Despite some win-loss induced growing pains, Harden could very well lead the Rockets toward the mix for the 7-8 seeds in the Western Conference playoff picture. I wish Coach McHale the best of luck.
12 – The 12th man, the chemist
All things NBA master Bill Simmons recently developed the idea of the NBA chemist (detailed here) that depicts the importance of that glue guy at the end of an NBA bench whose intangible contributions (quality of handshake and towel wave, card playing prowess) and energy on the court (in limited minutes) and off the court help to create a winning NBA team environment. Some of these all-time chemists (Jack Haley, M.L. Carr in later years) and more recent chemists (Brian Scalabrine) foster success and can be indispensable on winning teams. From my sixteen playoff team picks, I selected the most likely chemist (had to be out of the probable top 9 rotation) on each and ranked them for who will create the most chemistry.
East – 1. Nate Robinson (Bulls, when DRose comes back), 2. DeShawn Stevenson (Hawks), 3. Mike Miller (Heat), 4. Jerry Stackhouse (Nets), 5. Rasheed Wallace (Knicks), 6. Leandro Barbosa (Celtics), 7. Miles Plumlee (Pacers), 8. Arnett Moultrie (Sixers)
West – Chris Duhon (Lakers), Jose Barea (TWolves), Patty Mills (Spurs), Ronny Turiaf (Clippers), Josh Selby (Grizzlies), Reggie Jackson (Thunder), Timofey Mozgov (Nuggets), Jeremy Tyler (Warriors)
11 – This year is the eleventh season of the Tim Duncan, Tony Parker, and Manu Ginobili era and San Antonio
It has hard to believe that these three NBA warrior winners have been together this long. It is now almost six years since their last championship and I am not sure if they have the defenders to stop the neo power 4s (LeBron, Durant) or more athletic guards (Westbrook, Rose, Rondo) in a playoff series, but after two straight seasons atop or tied for most regular season wins, we can not count out the Spurs as long as Misters Duncan, Parker, and Ginobili remain healthy and Greg Popovich commands the sidelines. The goal for them must be to find ways to neutralize the Lakers and Thunder defensively and this could require some of R.C. Buford’s midseason trash heap acquisition magic (last year Stephen Jackson and Boris “I ate too much during the lockout” Diaw were a credible solution). With players like Rudy Gay and teams like Sacramento (all players) likely to be available, let’s see if the Spurs brain trust can strike gold one last time. Again, never underestimate the heart of this champion.
10 – Steve Nash’s new number on the Lakers
The Suns got close (and were kind of robbed by some bad luck and bad officiating), but the 2012-2013 Lakers are the Steve Nash team that has the best shot at a title. Is it hard for Suns fans to see this NBA Peter Pan still dominating as he approaches 40 for the Lakers? Absolutely, but like the great Raymond Bourque for the Avalanche in 2001, no one was more loyal to a team and no one in the league deserves a championship more than Steve Nash. If he gets one as a Laker (as long as it is not at the behest of the Celtics), so be it.
9 – Rajon Rondo’s number and basement for his ranking of the best players in the game
I intentionally slipped in my Rajon Rondo selection for All NBA First Team several numbers ago (did you notice?), but can no longer pass up what becomes more and more clear season by season (and may have reached its most overt apex during the Miami series last spring). Rajon Rondo is an incredible basketball player that does things on the court that have never been done before. He is an original, a unique blend of freakish athleticism and freakishly high basketball i.q., a player who can picks his spots night by night to find exactly what his team needs, and a growing leader who is ready to take the leap as the de facto motor of the only Eastern Conference team that can beat the Heat in a seven game series. A US Olympic team outcast (he had some personality clashes in the 2010 worlds and may not be well-suited for the international game), the most underrated story of basketball in London may have been that one of the ten best American players was healthy and not in uniform. So, what is his Rajon’s 2012-2013 ceiling and how can he reach it? Rajon Rondo can be a top 3 MVP candidate and the best point guard in the game. Three things are paramount in order for this to happen: 1) He must be assertive on offense, unafraid to take it to the basket and score. He is a weapon on his own and although he can lead the league in assists in his sleep, his ability to take over games as a scorer must come out more. 2. Along those lines, Rajon must shoot effectively from 15 feet and beyond. This includes the foul line (he must get there at least 6 times a game, last year he was often afraid to create free throw opportunities) and must excel at that nifty elbow sweet spot (that will be his to have) that looks like he worked on while his NBA peers were in London. 3) He has to improve his on the ball defense. When playing the elite points in the game, Rondo shows too much off the ball aggressiveness and his gambles result in too many easy buckets. I have read some Jason Kidd/Rondo comparisons this offseason and I can dig it. Rondo can be the best point guard in the game and is already a top-nine player. (Indisputably, LeBron, Durant, Dwight, Kobe, and Chris Paul are in the mix. The next group features Wade, Love, Deron Williams, Russell Westbrook, Carmelo, Dirk, Blake Griffin. Rondo is at least better than 3-4 of these guys). What is my “ok, I will suck it up and go out on a limb” homer prediction? Rajon Rondo will be the runner-up for the 2012-2013 NBA MVP.
8 – Jeff Green’s number
Welcome back, Jeff Green! Although the preseason is not always the best indicator of future success (I love when Laker haters think there is something to their 0-8 record this year), I think Jeff Green gave a representative preview of what is yet to come. When Celtics nation (and Rajon Rondo I might add) overly mourned the loss of Perk after the 2011 deadline deal, Jeff Green was in a tough situation and may have balked under this initial pressure. Last year’s very serious heart situation (and the Celtics admirable and loyal handling of it), may have shown new employee number 8 that he belongs, that the Celtics brass do want him, and that his time is now. James Worthy comparisons aside (and admittedly, I can see it), the aggressive, lane runner, slasher, driver, three-point specialist, high energy Rondo running mate was a revelation this October and could be the elixir of hope that the Celtics desperately need going into their likely future Miami playoff battles. Consider that at a minimum, Jeff Green is a MAJOR upgrade over Mikael Pietrus (who played serious minutes in the Heat series and is now no longer in the league) and is smart enough to know that he will flourish offensively playing with the league’s “best point guard.” He creates match-up problems for opponents (as a true 3/4 tweener) and will give Doc some incredible versatility from night to night. Welcome back, Jeff Green.
7 – New Celtics in their potential main rotation (Jeff Green Courtney Lee, Jason Terry and Jared Sullinger are locks. The Jason Collins, Darko Milicic, and Leandro Barbosa group will get minutes)
Add this group to a returning bunch of KG, Pierce, Rondo, Bradley (back by January), Brandon Bass, and a healthy Chris Wilcox and you have your deepest, most versatile, most talented Celtics team of the KG era. If all can buy in to the winning culture (when KG is around, this seems to be seamless), the Celtics are going to cause serious issues for the rest of the league. Danny Ainge (a shoe-in for 2012-2013 executive of the year) was not going to allow the Pietruses, Marquis Daniels, Keyon (his amazing locker room presence will be missed), and Greg Stiemsmas to ever be on the floor in a big playoff game again. Think about Courtney Lee (maybe Danny’s shrewdest find, Celtics fans are going to love him) and Avery Bradley matching DWade or Jeff Green spelling PP on LeBron. Defensively, these are some real upgrades and offensively, all of these guys can score better than last year’s pu pu platter. Jason Collins was a tough defender last year in the Atlanta series and he is the kind of six foul monster that will be essential against someone like Roy Hibbert and Andrew Bynum in the East. Darko is amazingly only 27 and we can all entrust his game’s improvement to KG and the motivational factory that he is. Finally, there is a Jason Terry who will be discussed at no. 4 along with the Ray “elephant in the room” Allen situation. This is an excellent Celtics team and is primed to attempt a full dethronement of the Heat next May/June. Look for the Celtics to win over 55 games in the regular season and lock up the no. 2 seed (behind the Heat) in the Eastern Conference by the end of March.
6 – How many deep the Lakers can reliably go
The Lakers can count on the starting five of Kobe, Dwight, Nash, Pau, Metta World “I focused on basketball for the first time in eight years this offseason” Peace, and Antawn “wildly historically underrated” Jamison off the bench. Two to three in the mix of Steve “how he had an NBA career and Bobby Hurley didn’t is beyond me” Blake, Jodie Meeks, Earl Clark, Devin Ebanks (nothing notable to say about his game), Robert Sacre (had never heard of him before he began starting at center for Dwight in the 0-8 preseason), Jordan Hill (the most likely contributor, a rebounding/defense energy guy), and Chris Duhon (I think he will be in the rotation before the season’s end) must contribute and must do so consistently in order to spell some of the older (Nash, Kobe, Jamison), recovering from an injury (Dwight), and insane (Metta World Peace) top six. Like many championship teams discover, sometimes it is the Steve Kerrs, Robert Horrys, and Shane Battiers that are the difference to winning and losing championships. The Lakers, in order to get to the Finals, must find these guys from this bunch or through future trades. I fear (and the league should as well) that they will.
5 – Legitimate contenders to win the 2013 NBA Championship
They are: Miami Heat, Los Angeles Lakers, Oklahoma City Thunder, Boston Celtics, and San Antonio Spurs. Going into the season, there is not another team that comes close to cracking this group. My two most likely candidates: the New York Knicks and the Denver Nuggets.
4 – Jason Terry’s number and where he ranks all-time in career 3 point shots made
Yep, Jason Terry makes three pointers. For anyone who for a second was worried about how the Celtics were ever going to replace Ray Allen’s historical three point prowess, think again. Jason Terry is a glue guy, a Heat hater, an indispensable shot creator, competitive as they come, a fun-loving presence on and off the court, a sixth man who takes pride in the role, and perhaps most importantly, is so excited to be a Boston Celtic. The Jet is going to infuse the Celtics locker room with the leadership and team-building of a Keyon Dooling, but has the on court game (at this stage of his career) to back it up (the last time the Celtics had this mix was in 2008 chemist pioneer, James Posey). Likely to fill most Celtic crunch time lineups (depending on situations and defensive needs along with KG, Pierce, Green, and Rondo), Jet knows how to play the game of basketball (to Ray, basketball is a job that requires meticulous attention, mind you of which he is super-skilled) and the Celtics need someone who is this combination of fun-loving and competitive. And again, Jason Terry will make three pointers (and lots of them).
3 – New playoff teams in 2012-2013
The Magic (an ugly roster with Dwight gone), the Jazz (competitive, but make some cap related deadline moves that hurt their second half success), and Mavericks (Dirk’s injury lasts longer than expected and they consequently dig too much of a hole to crawl out of) will be out of the playoff picture. In as replacements are the Brooklyn Nets (just not as good as expectations seem to dictate), the Minnesota Timberwolves (the whitest team since mid 80s Celtics), and Mark Jackson’s Golden State Warriors! The Warriors are surprisingly well-constructed, will be very fun to watch, have great depth at most positions, can shoot the basketball (Klay Thompson and Stephen Curry are two of the league’s best), have a good mix of veterans (Richard Jefferson, Jarrett Jack, David Lee) and younger players (Thompson, Curry, Harrison Barnes), and could be very good defensively (Andrew Bogut’s health remains the biggest if). It could be a transition year in the Western Conference (especially with playoff stalwarts Jazz, Mavericks, Rockets, Suns, and Blazers likely out of the mix) and look for the T-Wolves and Warriors to make the leap.
Eastern Conference Playoff Teams: 1. Miami 2. Boston 3. New York 4. Atlanta 5. Indiana 6. Brooklyn 7. Chicago 8. Philadelphia
Western Conference Playoff Teams: 1. San Antonio 2. Oklahoma City 3. LA Lakers 4. LA Clippers 5. Denver 6. Minnesota 7. Memphis 8. Golden State
2 – The two best players on the second best team: Kevin Durant and Russell Westbrook
Although I can grasp the financial benefit, it is hard to remove myself from the fact that a 2012-2013 Oklahoma City Thunder team with James Harden is significantly better than a 2012-2013 Oklahoma City Thunder team without James Harden. It is equally hard to comprehend that Sam Presti and the OKC brain trust could possibly (and unnecessarily) break apart a team that was primed to compete for league supremacy for many years to come, especially when Harden was under contract and would have been a restricted free agent next summer. Why help the financials of the 2014 or 2015 Thunder when the 2013-2016 is a LeBron James away from being the league’s best team (and mind you their best four players are all 24 and under!!!)? If the skill replication (and actual defensive liability when the big three were on the floor at once last season) was the issue, find a taller wing player or a stud and inexpensive big to take Harden’s place. The Kevin Martin (a great scorer but bad on defense), Jeremy Lamb (unknown commodity rookie), and Toronto 2013 first rounder that came back to OKC at best do Harden not as well as Harden. This leaves OKC with the Durant/Westbrook tandem (not a bad place to be in, just better with Harden as the third amigo) as the make or break duo (Serge Ibaka is going to have to raise his game too) of the franchise. Durant is at worst the third best player in the league and Westbrook is at worst the tenth best player in the league. How these two at times Stringer Bell/Avon Barksdale metaphoric models continue to grow together (so far so brilliant) will determine if LeBron’s arch rival has a real chance. The new Thunder team is going to be one of the most interesting subplots in the Association.
1 – LeBron James, the one to rule them all
This week LeBron James let his true motivation out of the bag, “I plan to be the best player of all-time.” The scary thing – after the Year of LeBron 2012 (NBA Championship, NBA Finals MVP, Olympic Gold Medalist), the destruction of past doubts, and the discovery of how to consistently dominate (something that had before only come out in shorter spurts and inconsistently in the playoffs), let it be known that LeBron James could become the best player ever. His journey continues in 2012-2013. My predictions: He will win his third straight MVP (4 out of the last 5), will lead the Heat past the Celtics in the Eastern Conference Finals, and will defeat the Lakers (who beat the surprise Nuggets in the WCF) to win the NBA Championship in six games. A storm is coming, NBA, and you are all in the destructive path of King James.
David J. Bloom can be reached on twitter @davidbloom7 and writes about pop culture and the NBA for Bishop and Company. His weekly X Factor column appears on Afterbuzztv.com and his weekly THE CHALLENGE: BATTLE OF THE SEASONS Power Rankings can be read on Derek Kosinski’s ultimatechallengeradio.com.
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