ABC producers, the embattled Chris Harrison, past The Bachelor participants, any woman that had the privilege of “dating Juan Pablo” this season, and both the live studio and television viewing audience all burst into a collective outpouring (at least in our heads) of this…
…last night when Juan Pablo finally walked off the stage to the ambiguous “private life” of “happiness” with Nikki (or NEE-KEE as he calls her). Poor Nikki, so unaware that she was along for the wild ride to a man that seemed to be all confused about what he was on The Bachelor for in the first place, never got that public real moment of love that should be the light at the end of this surreal group dating extravaganza tunnel. There was already little to dispel the disastrous season that was (Juan Pablo’s public homophobic comments and then “pervert” language barrier explanation already pretty much nailed the coffin shut), but last night’s finale, filled with more offensive comments, more emotional unawareness, and a whole lot of off-putting behavior, took the horrific Juan Pablo Television Experiment to a new low. Thankfully, there are some takeaways to pull out of the rude and ugly debris field. Here are ten lessons learned from both the finale and this season of The Bachelor:
1) If the Bachelor’s parents warn the final two women against committing to their son, then it is probably not a good idea to continue to pursue a relationship with said son.
2) Contrary to what Juan Pablo thinks, “I like you a lot” is not the new “I love you.”
3) Repeating “It’s ok” every time there is conflict is not ok and may ostracize the woman you are attempting to date.
4) If the two “frontrunners” leave the show because they are not feeling the Bachelor, then there is something wrong with the Bachelor.
5) When the Bachelor openly antagonizes host Chris Harrison during the “After the Final Rose” reunion show, you know, if it is not abundantly clear already, that the man selected to be the Bachelor was an unmitigated mistake.
6) If host Chris Harrison concludes the “The After the Final Rose” show by saying, “Another season of The Bachelor comes to an end. Not going to lie, I’m ok moving on,” he is thrilled to not have to work with this Bachelor again.
7) When Sean Lowe says, “To each his own,” he does not like the person he is describing.
8) Any nostalgic momentum related to a Josh Krajcik live performance on an early season date is not enough of a reason to sustain a relationship.
9) Women do not always enjoy it when a man does excessive face touching.
10) If you avoid sleep in the fantasy suite, it should not be to count down the minutes until a morning escape.
Andi, welcome! The Bachelor/Bachelorette nation could not be happier to have you as the current face of the franchise and to finally, as you did two weeks ago, say goodbye to Juan Pablo for good.